Chapter 149: Ghost Won’t Let Me Use His Leg Because He Jerks Off With It
To make the burning soldier move away from me—who was standing just two arms away—I decided to use Jack’s dead body’s right leg.
I would kick his chest like a mosquito with an erection with Jack’s leg and push the guard away.
But Jack stopped me from doing that like the cop who stopped me from running after an underage girl... who was an adult but with just short height.
Jack said he won’t watch his body getting burned and if I kicked the guard with his leg, his leg would melt.
I told him his leg won’t melt, it wasn’t made of wax like a dildo for rats’ vagina.
But then he said that it wasn’t made of wax, it was made of plastic.
This fucker had a prosthetic leg for all this time and he was worried about it getting hurt even when he was a ghost now with no relation to his body anymore!
That’s why I ignored him like a husband when his wife asks him why he doesn’t get hard anymore and got ready to kick the burning guard’s chest with his fake right leg.
Then Jack stopped me again and told me that if I kicked the guard with his leg then the leg might catch fire and it would become hard for me to hold his dead body after that. Which, god forbid, made sense. I don’t want to hold a dead body with a burning and melting leg.
That’s why, I came up with another plan.
I would remove the fake leg from his body which was just below the knee and use it as a weapon. Like a sword. Like a dildo used against nuns to scare them.
This way, I could stop the guards from coming near me and when the fake leg couldn’t take any more, I would just throw it away as if it was my sister’s panties after I was done with them.
Just kidding. I don’t have a sister. Though, I do have a grandma.
Anyway, I finalised this plan and when I was just about to execute it by removing the leg, Jack stopped me.
I was on the end of my wits like a woman who can’t park the car in an empty parking lot and I would have cursed him if not for him making a face that screamed sadness and solemnity.
"If you remove that leg..." Jack spoke, his voice turning heavy, full of emotional burden.
I frowned. Is it something serious?
Jack looked at me with his solemn brown eyes.
"If you remove that leg, pal. Then..."
His voice cracked but he finished his words.
"I won’t be able to jerk off while standing!"
"..."
Silence.
Did I hear right?
Surely he didn’t say that.
Right?
.. Right?
... Right?
[ Wrong! ]
"Fucking hell you really said that!"
"Yes. And you can’t say that it’s pointless. Jerking while standing is a basic movement. You won’t always get to lie and find a comfortable place. Sometimes, you have to deal with changes and adapt. That’s what it means to be a true man. Someone for whom the conditions don’t matter. Real men stay hard!"
"That’s not what David Goggins meant by that! And don’t just turn addiction into a motivational speech. There are more things than jerking off!"
"Like?"
"Like... Like... World peace. Like..."
Damn, I couldn’t think of anything right now.
[ You both are trash. ]
Ignoring the system, I came back to Jack.
"I can’t think of anything right now but I am sure there are more things. And how many times do I tell you that you are dead. You have nothing to do with your body right now!"
"What if I found something that allows me to get back inside my body? What then? If you remove my leg right now then I won’t be able to jerk off while standing. Will you take responsibility for it? Will you lend me a hand if that happens?"
"What kind of priorities do you have, dude? Does your brain only revolve around such things? And no, I would rather finger Sexis than to lend you my hand."
[ What kind of priorities do you have? You are willing to finger an Alien? Like I said, you both are trash. The only competition now is who is more perverted among you and with that statement, you have the edge now. ]
’Can you stop doing commentary? I am in the middle of something.’
[ Yeah right. The only thing you are in middle of is your sexuality. ]
I clenched my jaw.
I am surrounded by lunatics.
One is a ghost who has the weirdest of the fetishes and one is a window staying inside my read without paying any rent and roasting me instead.
The worst part? Sexis has yet to join the scene.
Oh, how I miss Erect.
Nevertheless, I have to wait for him to arrive.
I have no choice but to deal with this situation first.
I looked at Jack.
"So you won’t let me use your body?"
Jack smiled. "Depends on which use you are talking about."
I regretted the wording of that question.
"I mean to say you won’t let me use your leg to kick this guard away who for some reason is roaming around me even in fire and somehow isn’t able to touch me?"
"Oh. Yes. I won’t let you use my body for that. I want to keep it safe in case I get a chance to possess it again."
"Alright. So be it. You will at least tell me the directions to leave this corridor, right? And this time it should be final. We have spent too much time here already. Anymore and we will drop in views lower than we already are."
"Views? What are you talking about?"
"Nothing. Just tell me will you do it or not?"
"Of course I will do it. I was ready to do it from the start. It was you who was like, ’No, don’t do it, Jack. I am not gay. I don’t want it. I don’t want to see it. Put that thing away.’ Talk about overdramatic."
"Bro! I mean will you tell me the directions or not? What is wrong with you? Are you sure your upbringing happened in an orphanage? Or was it a brothel with an orphanage board on it, filled with horny rabbits and women to hide the real business?"
"Maybe. I don’t know. Though, I did saw many workers there walking with a limp after finishing their work."
"..."
I lost my words.
My wild guess turned out to be true.
No wonder this man is like this.
He was born in a brothel of all places.
I can’t even abuse him saying his mother is a prostitute...
Because bloody hell, she might be one for real!