The Empress Dowager, seeing Nan Zhiyun approach, quickly pulled her to sit beside her. Perhaps it was in front of someone she was close to that she felt vulnerable, and Nan Zhiyun couldn't help but feel wronged.
The Empress Dowager didn't know how to comfort her. Sometimes, crying was a way to release emotions, so she said little. She simply held Nan Zhiyun, offering her the solace she could.
The side hall of Ci'an Palace had been tidied up, and the Empress Dowager intended for Nan Zhiyun to stay there long-term. General Nan would not return from his campaign for at least another month. The Empress Dowager didn't know what might happen in this month, but she would do her best to ensure Nan Zhiyun suffered less.
After moving into Ci'an Palace, Nan Zhiyun no longer lived in constant fear. However, whenever she was alone, she couldn't help but recall her past life. Nan Zhiyun sometimes felt very weak and useless, as she couldn't do anything and lacked backbone.
But what could she do? Yu Jingchen was the Emperor. Perhaps with just a word from him, she herself, or even the entire Nan family, would be powerless to resist. Nan Zhiyun didn't know what the future held. Would things continue like this? If they did, then this rebirth would be meaningless. She didn't know why heaven had given her this chance to start anew, but since she couldn't escape, she could only face it.
In her memories of the past life, Prince An rebelled... Would this time be the same? The Emperor was suspicious of her father, so should she do something to dispel this suspicion?
Yesterday, she heard Yu Jingchen say that General Nan was returning, and she was shocked because in her past life, General Nan was supposed to return at the end of next year... Could there be something more to this? Was the Emperor going to act against her father now?
The more Nan Zhiyun thought about it, the more uneasy she became. But her capabilities were limited. Instead of shouldering everything herself, she decided to seek out the Empress Dowager.
That evening, she had dinner with the Empress Dowager, who kept her talking. Their relationship was close, and they didn't have other servants attending them.
"Does Yun'er have something on her mind?" Nan Zhiyun had been raised by the Empress Dowager, and seeing her like this, she knew something was troubling her.
"Your Majesty, the Emperor said that Father will be returning soon." Nan Zhiyun initiated the conversation.
"He told you that?" The Empress Dowager seemed a little surprised.
"Mmm..." Nan Zhiyun's eyes lowered slightly.
"Then why are you still like this? A'su is returning, aren't you happy?" The Empress Dowager gently drew her into her embrace.
"Your Majesty, I'm scared... I'm afraid something will happen to Father when he returns this time. I'm afraid the things I dreamed of will come true." Nan Zhiyun knew the Empress Dowager didn't believe her stories about past life events, but she had no one else to turn to.
"It's just a dream, it won't happen. Trust me, okay? Once A'su returns, things will be different." The Empress Dowager said with hidden meaning.
"Your Majesty, please believe Yun'er this time, won't you? Everything I say is true." Nan Zhiyun was almost crying from anxiety.
But the Empress Dowager still gently patted her back, "Be good, then you trust me once, okay? If I say nothing will happen, then nothing will." The Empress Dowager's attitude seemed quite firm.
Nan Zhiyun looked at the Empress Dowager with red eyes. Perhaps seeing the unyielding look in the Empress Dowager's eyes, she slowly lowered her head. Was it truly unchangeable...
The Empress Dowager looked at Nan Zhiyun with great pain in her heart. However, some things couldn't be explained. How could she not know about the things Nan Zhiyun spoke of? She just didn't want Nan Zhiyun to be constantly bound by them.
For several consecutive days,
Nan Zhiyun didn't see Yu Jingchen. Perhaps because she no longer held any expectations, she felt a sense of ease during the times she didn't see him. Besides worrying about her father, she seemed to have no other concerns.
The Empress Dowager might have sensed Nan Zhiyun's mood, as she often spent time with her these past two days, arranging flowers and playing chess, not giving her too much time to dwell on futile thoughts.
One day, the Empress Dowager was, as usual, tending to potted plants with Nan Zhiyun when they heard the announcement: "His Majesty has arrived—!"
Nan Zhiyun was so startled that she dropped the shears, accidentally cutting her hand. The Empress Dowager immediately went to check her injury.
"How is it? How could you be so careless? These shears are very sharp." Although the Empress Dowager's tone carried a hint of scolding, her worry and concern were undeniable.
After all, it was shears for trimming branches. An accidental prick to the hand would certainly cause injury. Yu Jingchen frowned the moment he entered and saw the scene.
"Your Majesty, I'm fine." Nan Zhiyun said softly.
Then she saw Yu Jingchen. He always carried an aura of pressure that made Nan Zhiyun instinctively feel fear upon seeing him.
"Your subject greets His Majesty." Nan Zhiyun, suppressing her inner turmoil, performed a curtsy. Having lived in the Empress Dowager's palace recently, Nan Zhiyun's complexion had improved considerably.
Yu Jingchen glanced at her coldly. He naturally noticed that Nan Zhiyun's hand was still bleeding.
"Useless thing." Yu Jingchen said, referring to Nan Zhiyun. Hearing this, her face paled further.
The Empress Dowager frowned and pulled Nan Zhiyun up, subtly shielding her. She then turned to Yu Jingchen, "Why has Your Majesty graced us with his presence today?"
"Does the Empress Dowager's question imply that I would eat her?" Yu Jingchen replied evasively. Seeing the Empress Dowager shielding Nan Zhiyun as if he were a thief, he felt inexplicably displeased.
"What does Your Majesty think?" the Empress Dowager countered, then looked at Nan Zhiyun behind her, "Go and get your wound dressed, don't let it get infected."
"Mmm..." Nan Zhiyun clearly spoke with trepidation. She wanted to leave, but Yu Jingchen was here...
"Don't be afraid, go and tend to your wound first. I'm here." The Empress Dowager stroked Nan Zhiyun's head. Such a fine young woman, once so proud and at ease, now had to gauge someone's mood. The thought caused her heart great pain.
Nan Zhiyun nodded. She dared not look at Yu Jingchen's expression. An Xin and Qian Xia came forward and led Nan Zhiyun into the room.
After Nan Zhiyun had left, the Empress Dowager turned back to Yu Jingchen, "Now, Your Majesty can tell me why you have come?" she asked.
"Can I not visit if I have nothing to do?" Yu Jingchen walked forward a few steps, looked at the potted plants on the table, and reached out to touch one.
"These potted plants still need trimming," the Empress Dowager said, then handed him the shears that were beside her.
"Your Majesty probably can't do this kind of thing?" the Empress Dowager said.
Yu Jingchen took the shears. They were the same ones Nan Zhiyun had been using, and these were the plants she hadn't finished trimming.
"The Empress Dowager used to enjoy doing this," Yu Jingchen said.
"Back then, I was idle and bored, just passing the time. Every time I wanted Your Majesty to join me, you would disdain it as something girls did." The Empress Dowager said, and then began to trim the branches herself.
"Is there any need for the Empress Dowager to always bring up the past?" Yu Jingchen seemed to dislike it when the Empress Dowager spoke of past events.
"The past is for remembrance. When the present falls short, one naturally recalls the past," the Empress Dowager replied indifferently.
"I am old now, and can no longer do much. I spend my days tending to flowers and birds, and when I have nothing else to do, I want to talk to someone. When I am alone, I think about the past. So I always wonder, why does time seem to change people so much? Time mellows wine, making it richer with age. But with people, time measures affection, and it grows fainter." The Empress Dowager spoke while trimming the potted plants.
Yu Jingchen remained silent, his expression unreadable.
"I used to think I had no regrets in this life, that what was done was done. But now, looking back, I regret everything. Your Majesty, do you feel that I have hindered you? Do you feel that my appearance became the first obstacle in your life? Do you feel that if I hadn't adopted you, you would be living a better life now?" The Empress Dowager put down her shears.
Yu Jingchen looked at her, "What exactly does the Empress Dowager want to say?" His eyes were dark, truly terrifying.
"I don't want to say anything. I just feel that if Your Majesty truly believes I am a stumbling block on your life's path, if you truly believe I shouldn't have adopted you back then. Then from this day forward, I will no longer be the Empress Dowager. I will no longer interfere in Your Majesty's affairs." The Empress Dowager stared into Yu Jingchen's eyes, unafraid.
"I am the daughter of the renowned General Nan, the Empress of Yuan, skilled in both literature and martial arts. What could I not obtain? The late Emperor wronged me first, so he could only rely on me and the Nan family for his livelihood. Because I had the capability, and he was merely an incompetent ruler. He also feared the Nan family, but he could do nothing. He could not even stop me from stabbing a pregnant concubine to death in front of him. Within days, I was still as magnificent as ever." The Empress Dowager's emotions seemed to stir as she recounted this.
Yu Jingchen watched her quietly, waiting to see what she would say.
"I had everything, but it wasn't enough. He didn't deserve to be the ruler. So I decided to nurture a successor myself. That is how you came to be. Your Majesty, your thoughts are not wrong. In the beginning, when I adopted you, I merely wanted a child, a child who could help me succeed the late Emperor and become ruler. But... I am a person. A woman, a woman with blood, flesh, heart, and emotions. When I held you, not yet a full month old, in my arms, when I saw your tiny hand grip my finger and refuse to let go, my heart melted."
"Towards you, I have a clear conscience. I have never owed you anything. I raised you with all my heart, teaching you how to be a person, how to be a ruler. But I never expected that, ultimately, we are not mother and son by blood, so you have never offered me your true heart. I initially thought you were too young to understand, and that you would become sensible when you grew up. But the older you got, the further you drifted away from me." The Empress Dowager seemed to have poured out all her heart.
"Sometimes I truly wonder, was I too wicked, too cold? Is that why I raised you to be this way? Your Majesty, tell me, what did I do wrong regarding you? Was I truly wrong to raise you?" The Empress Dowager stepped closer to Yu Jingchen, her eyes turning red. But she would not cry, absolutely not cry...
Yu Jingchen looked at her for a long time before finally speaking, "So you are the Empress Dowager now, and you will always be the Empress Dowager."
"Heh... Hehe." The Empress Dowager suddenly laughed. She turned around, tilted her head back, and wiped away the tears that had inadvertently fallen from the corners of her eyes. How could she still not have held back?
"Your Majesty, oh Your Majesty, listen. Listen to yourself, how cold are the words you are speaking now..." After speaking, she turned back to face Yu Jingchen, "Did I truly only want this position? How noble and glorious am I? Even if I weren't the Empress Dowager, who would dare look down on me? I have always been the one to control others, never the one to be controlled. Even without you, as long as I wished, I would still be the most noble person in this world."
"By elevating you to high office, I have instead lowered my own status. I have made my own life stifling, and it truly wasn't worth it... You think I only desired this status, but your status was given by me. I promise you, if it weren't for me, no matter who had adopted you, you would not be who you are today, nor would you have reached this position!" The Empress Dowager's voice suddenly rose.