"Yun'er is very well-behaved," Yu Jingchen said, looking at Nan Zhiyun's obedient demeanor. The more乖巧 she was, the more guilt he felt.
Especially after the sudden second life's memories yesterday, he himself dared not to delve too deep into what he had done.
A young lady like this was clearly meant to be doted upon and cherished, yet he had tormented her to such a state—neither human nor ghost, filled with despair.
Now, as he looked at Nan Zhiyun's beautiful, lovable, and innocently sweet smile, he wished he could go back in time and kill his past self.
Why couldn't the rebirth have happened earlier? If only it had been a little sooner, perhaps Nan Zhiyun wouldn't have suffered more harm... He often wondered why only he had these memories. Nan Zhiyun knew nothing. Did this mean his return was for atonement? Was it to make amends?
Yu Jingchen tightened his grip. Those memories were truly too cruel for Nan Zhiyun. He did not wish for Nan Zhiyun to recover the memories of those two lifetimes. Besides pity, there was perhaps more fear. Fear that if she knew, she would flee from him, distance herself from him; fear that if she knew, she would be permanently trapped in memories, suffering again; fear that if she knew, she would choose the same method as in the previous life and leave forever...
But... if Nan Zhiyun truly didn't know, wouldn't that be unfair? After all, she resented him, even hated him... This lifetime, because she was unaware of what had happened, she could feel at ease.
Yu Jingchen was conflicted. In his selfish heart, he certainly did not want Nan Zhiyun to recover those memories. This young lady had already endured the most painful things in the world.
She had already encountered the most brutal torment. This lifetime should be enough with happiness and joy... If she truly recovered them, then all three lifetimes would be filled with suffering. It would be better this lifetime to let Nan Zhiyun be cherished and protected like a child.
How wonderful it would be to be carefree... But on what grounds could he feel so at ease? On what grounds could he feel it didn't matter? How could he pretend that nothing had happened?
If he didn't have the feelings he had for Nan Zhiyun now, he might not care about past events. But the more he cared for Nan Zhiyun now, the more those past memories tormented him...
What should he do? How should he atone? How should he repent?
I'm sorry... I'm truly sorry...
Looking at the young lady curled up in his arms, Yu Jingchen felt as if a knife was slowly slicing at his heart... The pain was sharp, like meat being cut by a hot knife. Perhaps this was destined to be a lifetime of torment from the very beginning. Yu Jingchen truly felt restless with guilt.
"Your Majesty, what's wrong?" Nan Zhiyun had not felt any movement from Yu Jingchen for a while, so she looked up in confusion.
But the moment she looked, she was frightened. She saw that Yu Jingchen's eyes were red; he was crying...
"Your Majesty?" Nan Zhiyun's voice became smaller, and she tried to get up. Yu Jingchen held her and watched her sit up.
"What's wrong with you?" Nan Zhiyun's mind was a mess. His Majesty was fine, so why was he crying? No, His Majesty was actually crying!
She reached out and gently wiped the tears from the corner of Yu Jingchen's eyes. Seeing this, Yu Jingchen couldn't hold back any longer.
"Your Majesty?" Nan Zhiyun was a little at a loss.
"It's nothing..." Yu Jingchen pulled her back into his embrace.
Tears fell involuntarily. Nan Zhiyun also quietly stopped making a sound, resting in Yu Jingchen's arms, and reaching out to wipe his tears.