I am Chen Ajiao, born with noble status. I have a mother, the princess, who dotes on me, and an empress dowager grandmother. Yet, I am merely the villainous supporting character in someone else's love story.
Not long ago, I had a nightmare, a dream about my entire life.
In the dream, my husband, the current emperor Liu Che, did not love me. He loved a woman named Wei Zifu, and I was simply the wicked supporting character in their love story. As the wicked supporting character, out of jealousy for the love my husband bestowed upon Wei Zifu, I transformed from being merely capricious and self-willed, acting recklessly, into someone who committed heinous deeds, as if possessed.
Ultimately, I was spurned by my husband, deposed from my position as empress, and abandoned in Changmen Palace, where my short life came to an end.
At first, I didn't believe it. But as everything that has happened recently mirrors the dream, I can no longer deny it.
But what if I believe it? Can I really defy fate and change my destiny?
Regardless, I want to try!
[I]
The Jianfang Palace still stands, but the person within is no longer as unrestrained and vibrant as before.
After receiving the decree of her deposition, the woman in the palace did not weep or protest. It was as if she herself were not the one being deposed, appearing even less distressed than the maids around her.
"Qing Ling, go pack. Don't delay others." After all, this Jianfang Palace is the Empress's sleeping quarters, and it will soon welcome its new mistress.
Hearing her mistress's words, Qing Ling finally stopped crying and began to pack. She would have preferred her mistress to scold her as she used to, rather than be this calm.
After Qing Ling left, I closed my eyes.
I am truly exhausted, so weary that I lack the strength to cry.
And now, even if I were to cry, no one would pity me. All those who loved me are gone. After a long while, I opened my eyes again. My beautiful face bore no trace of superfluous emotion. Since my heart was dead, this magnificent palace had lost its color. What was truly important to me was never this position of Empress, but merely him.
What use is the title of Empress? If the Emperor were not him, I would not deign to be Empress, sharing my husband with the other women of the harem. The only reason I clung to the position of Empress was because my husband was the Emperor. It is just that my husband did not understand.
With a sweep of my hand, the phoenix coronet was removed. It was cast aside without a second thought, followed by one hair ornament after another. The weight on my head had once made it difficult for me to breathe; now, I could finally let it go.
The tranquility of Jianfang Palace caught the women of the harem completely off guard. The once fiery woman walked silently from Jianfang Palace to Changmen Palace.
I left decisively, only departing after the last trace of my presence in Jianfang Palace was cleared.
Jianfang Palace, just as it was when I first moved in, was spacious but lacked life.
From a young age, I favored vibrant colors. When I was in Jianfang Palace, it was naturally opulent and magnificent. The other consorts outwardly showed me respect, but in private, they held me in disdain, even privately calling me vulgar. And of course, I knew all of this.
But why should I change myself because of what others said?
Unexpectedly, I entered with a red gown and a head full of jewels, but I left bearing the mark of a criminal, clad in a simple blue robe. My dark hair, held up by a single jade hairpin, seemed as though it could fall at any moment, revealing my cascade of dark hair…
[II]
Despite having the premonitory dream, I still could not escape this fate.
I practiced witchcraft in the palace, an offense punishable by death. However, my mother offered her life in exchange, and only then was I spared.
My mother, just as in the dream, crashed against a pillar before my eyes and died.
At that moment, what was I thinking? Reflecting on my life, which I was powerless to change?
I knew clearly what would happen in that dream, yet I was still fixated on Liu Che's love. In the end, I had caused harm to my mother!
Her blood was so blinding, it pierced my eyes.
"Mother! No! Don't leave your daughter…"
Tears blurred my vision, but my mother could no longer hold me and gently comfort me in her embrace.
Liu Che did not wish to thoroughly investigate the matter. The Dou family posed too great a threat to him; why wouldn't he use this opportunity to deal with them? He had truly intended to execute me, after all, his tolerance for me had reached its limit over these years.
Compared to the understanding Wei Zifu, Chen Ajiao was utterly irritating.
However, since my mother exchanged the lives of the Dou clan and myself for my life, perhaps my husband Liu Che intended this when he decided not to eradicate me completely.
For me, being deposed from the empress position and sent to Changmen Palace was the lightest punishment.
At least, that is how he perceived it.
In the end, I still ended this short life as a sinner of Changmen Palace, just as in the dream.
[III]
I awoke once more from my dream.
"Empress…" Qing Ling's "Empress" woke me.
Have I been reborn again?
"Qing Ling, prepare paper and brush for me." This time, I will write down the ending from my dream, one by one.
The dream was like this:
From then on, Wei Zifu ascended to the position of Empress, receiving countless favors.
Everyone said that the deposed Empress was arrogant and overbearing, unlike the virtuous and benevolent Empress Wei of today. This was because the Dou clan had fallen into decline, while the Wei family held considerable sway in court due to Wei Qing.
I knew nothing of the affairs of the court, but the women of the harem did everything they could to humiliate this deposed Empress. After all, a fallen tree attracts the wolves, a truth I now understood very clearly.
I often had nightmares, dreaming of my mother covered in blood, my grandmother with a face full of disappointment, and the once gentle and considerate Che'er transforming overnight into a young emperor filled with disdain for me.
I would often wake up from my dreams, only to find myself drenched in cold sweat.
As the memories played on repeat in my mind, I seemed to see more clearly: I saw the girl in red hiding her head in the young man's chest with playful charm, but I also saw the coldness hidden within the young man's gentle smile. I saw the gentle youth of memory become a stoic king, his hidden ambition beneath his mask of gentleness. He feared the Dou family and resented himself. Only my foolish self, emboldened by misplaced favor, was deceived by this false gentleness and harmed myself, my mother, and the Dou family…
Later, my health grew progressively weaker. Qing Ling, the maid who grew up with me, pleaded everywhere for help, but met with rebuffs. My illness could only be postponed again and again.
At that time, I could only end my life amidst desolation. If not for my mother's dying wish, I think I might have chosen to die after A Che told me he had never loved me.
Having encountered someone so dazzling in my youth, I found it difficult to forget. Only by death could my love dissipate with my passing.
And now, I only wish for my illness to worsen, so that I may reunite with my mother and grandmother sooner.
There, in that place, are those who loved me, unlike this cold, dark inner palace.