Chapter 42 Slogans

To subtly influence Xiao Kui, I deliberately steered the dinner conversation in another direction, "Old Liu, look at those guys from Coffin Gate and White Lamp Gate. They always come out with a couple of lines, something like 'All the gods and demons enter my coffin,' or 'What is the shore of the martial world? The mountains between Yin and Yang.' So imposing!"

"Can't we come up with a couple of lines for Liangjie Tang? Coming out with just a dry 'Li Po of Liangjie Tang is here' sounds like you're trying to rob someone. It weakens our reputation!"

Old Liu nodded in agreement, "What you say makes sense, Owner."

I quickly pressed my advantage, "Exactly! Come on, you guys are all college grads or even PhDs, think of something good."

As soon as I said that, everyone fell silent.

I thought I was being serious, but I didn't expect things to get out of control when someone finally spoke.

Seeing that no one was talking, Butcher Wang glanced at Wang Xiaohuan, "Xiaohuan, you go first."

Wang Xiaohuan frowned, "The sun, moon, mountains, and rivers are eternal, the battle flag of Liangjie will forever exist."

Butcher Wang's eyes widened, "After we shout that, the enemy sets up a machine gun and goes 'rat-tat-tat-tat…' and Liangjie Tang falls in a pool of blood, is that it?"

Wang Xiaohuan blinked, "What do you mean? I don't understand."

I rubbed my forehead, "Shijie says your lines sound like a heroic declaration before sacrificing yourself. According to the movies, right after that comes the machine gun."

Just as Wang Xiaohuan was rolling her eyes in exasperation, Zhao Yuezhu chimed in with, "Shouldering morality with iron, composing essays with a brush."

I pointed at Old Liu, "That's more suitable for him. He'd have to hold up a sign while shouting: 'Old man offering services for writing official documents, love letters, resumes, reasonable prices.' What is this all about?"

"Liangjie Tang can't be split up as a whole. If it could, we'd have Hei Ye Xiao and Yun Shang take turns saying: 'Ancestral old Chinese medicine, specializing in curing bullshit.' That would be a guaranteed hit!"

I was lecturing Zhao Yuezhu, but she retorted, "Right, and then we'll have Xiao Kui jump out and shout: 'Medicine cures all, hooray!'"

I nearly burst into tears, "I'm being serious here! Can't you guys be serious for once? Think, one line each. Shijie, you go first…"

Butcher Wang looked at me, "Not walking the path of humanity, specializing in immoral deeds. I am Li Po! That line is guaranteed to suit you."

"You, you, you…" I pointed at Butcher Wang, "Let's be serious, please!"

Butcher Wang spread his hands, "Why do I feel like you've been the least serious from the start?"

Exasperated, I pointed at Lin Zhao, "Little puppy, your turn!"

Lin Zhao's face turned stern, "The things that the Yin court can't do, Liangjie Tang will do. The people the Yin court doesn't dare to kill, Liangjie Tang will kill. In short…"

"Are you Tian Huayu? Is Liangjie Tang the Eastern Depot?" I was so angry I was about to explode. "You're a girl! If you were a guy, I'd have Shijie castrate you right now."

I could only look at Yun Shang, "Yun Shang, you're the most educated, you go!"

Just as Yun Shang was about to open her mouth, I felt the table shake. Before I could figure out who was kicking Yun Shang under the table, she spoke, "Liangjie Tang goes down the mountain to smash kilns, money, food, and women must all be handed over."

While I was still dumbfounded, several girls said in unison, "Men too!"

"Pfft—" Old Liu couldn't hold back and nearly spat his wine all over the table.

Before I could catch my breath, Hei Ye Xiao appeared upside down from the dining hall ceiling, ghostly and eerie, "Liangjie Tang, whoever we mess with, dies. Whoever we touch, perishes!"

"Just mess with me and be done with it!" I pointed at Old Liu, "You're the advisor, you think of something. If you can't, I'm deducting your salary."

Old Liu stroked his beard, "Let me think!屠神镇鬼两界堂 (Tu Shen Zhen Gui Liangjie Tang)… No, no…"

Before Old Liu could finish, Feng Ruoxing suddenly spoke, "屠神镇鬼两界堂 (Tu Shen Zhen Gui Liangjie Tang), the hall is full of beautiful women. Two single men sit in the hall, but they can't consummate the marriage."

"Hahaha…" A group of girls laughed as they left.

Ye Yang patted my shoulder, "Give up! If you can't think of anything, just shout 'Liangjie Tang is on the case.'"

I watched Ye Yang walk away, "Where are you going? You haven't washed the dishes yet!"

Ye Yang pointed to the calendar on the wall, "It's your turn to wash the dishes today! Remember to use the dishcloth, you didn't wash them clean last time."

Damn it!

What kind of people are in Liangjie Tang! This is…

From top to bottom, is there anyone normal left?

I thought fate sent me here to save this group of jokers, but in reality, I'm the one being led astray.

The plan to subtly influence her has failed. If I keep subtly influencing her like this, who knows what Xiao Kui might do!

Forget it!

I'll wash the dishes!

While I was washing the dishes, Old Liu walked over with a smile, "Owner, let me help you."

Old Liu's smile always meant trouble. I looked at him warily, "What trick are you trying to pull now?"

Old Liu said with heartfelt grief, "Look what Steward Feng said, two single men sitting in the hall. My heart aches!"

I was immediately dumbfounded, "You ache? What's there for you to ache about?"

Old Liu didn't answer my question, but instead said kindly, "Liangjie Tang, so many good girls, don't you have your eye on any of them? I think Steward Feng is good, strong, and beautiful. A perfect candidate for the mistress! If you two get together, it would definitely be a legendary romance!"

ps: The above plot comes from when I @mentioned all members in the group to solicit Liangjie Tang slogans, and the scene got out of control. My feeling at the time was similar to Li Po's. So, I chose a few of the more classic slogans to write into the novel, thank you to the lovely readers.