Chapter 961: The Word I Want
My hand curled on the countertop before I could stop it.
Composure is a discipline. I practice it the way other people practice sword forms—spine straight, voice level, breath measured. But when Stella said Mom and looked at Rose like she’d been handed the sun, something inside my chest slipped a notch and pulled tight.
Childish, I told myself. I am twenty-six. I know the arithmetic of love; it isn’t subtraction. I’ve been the one with the time these past months—homework and hair, nightlights and soup, the hard hour after bad dreams. Rei when she runs out of breath. I logged her medicines, color-coded her study sheets, put socks back in pairs. I know the ward’s midnight hum and the weight of her head when she is pretending not to be sleepy. None of that changes because Rose asked a brave, simple question first.
It still hurt.
"Congratulations," I told Rose when I could trust my voice. It came out perfect—polite, precise—the tone I use in rooms full of men who would rather not notice that I’m running them. "On your... promotion."
I saw the tiny flinch she kept off her face. I did not like that I liked seeing it.
Stella came back with her study board and scattered the tension like birds. Mom, sit here. Reika, sit here. Daddy, you’re not allowed to help unless it’s safety. I could have sat beside Rose and let warmth do what it does. I chose the seat opposite and let politeness hold where feeling wanted to spill. The ward light over the door pulsed once, curious.
We worked through a page. Stella explained her answers with the clean, fearless logic of twelve. Rose listened the way she listens when she respects a mind—chin in hand, eyes warm. Arthur did nothing, impeccably. He understands "no helping" means no helping.
"Tea?" he asked after the second page, too casual. "Reika, help me with the good kettle?"
He did not need help. The good kettle lives on the second shelf, left of the grinder. It has for months. He said my name in the tone he uses when a hallway is the right place for a truth.
I followed him into the pantry alcove. He eased the pocket door shut with two fingers. Stella’s voice softened to a comfort through wood instead of a blade.
He leaned on the counter. Not blocking the exit. Not crowding. He is very good at not turning concern into pressure. "Reika," he said.
"I am being irrational," I said, before he could be gentle. Confession is easier than being soothed. "I’m angry that I didn’t ask first. It feels petty. It is beneath me. I will correct it."
"You’re allowed to be human," he said. "I love you like one."
That line found the exact place in me that softens without my permission.
"You’ve been Stella’s constant," he went on, not ceremonious, just factual. "When I was gone too much. When operation days ate hours. When I fell asleep at a desk I shouldn’t have. You tucked her in and kept her world unscary. I see it. She sees it."
"Then why does it feel," I asked, surprising myself with the word, "like I just lost a race I didn’t know we were running?"
"Because you’re a strategist," he said, not unkind. "You were trained to measure the board and move early. Family isn’t a board. There isn’t one square you have to stand on to be real. The word isn’t a rank. It’s a door. Rose opened hers last night. You can open yours today."
I stared at the neat tins on the shelf until their labels stopped blurring. "If I ask now, it will look like a counter-move."
"Only if you treat it like one," he said. "Rei... she already wants it. She asked me last week if ’Mom’ can be plural. She thought choosing might make someone else feel less chosen. She’s a smart girl. She will carry other people’s feelings if you let her. Don’t make her do that work."
Shame is cleaner than jealousy. It cuts and cauterizes. I set my palms on the cool stone and let the temperature argue me into sense. Don’t make a child manage your emotions. It should not need writing down. I wrote it down anyway, inside.
"I don’t want to take anything from Rose," I said—and meant it now, not as a posture. "Or from the others when they ask."
"There’s room," he said simply. "Scarcity is for budgets. Not for this."
His hand rested over mine, light. He never pulls when I’m like this. He offers, and waits. I decided to take it. The muscle in my chest eased a notch.
"I love you," I said, plain, because the small words are the only ones that matter. "Not just ’Master’ with a schedule I can optimize. You. Arthur. I chose this life—its chaos, its patience, its wide bed, its stupid expensive tea. I won’t let the part of me that likes power make a mess in our kitchen."
His eyes smiled first. "Good. Because I was about to tell you to stop worrying about power dynamics and start worrying about pancakes."
"You already had pancakes," I said, faithful to accuracy even while my mouth wanted to curve.
"Then worry about asking your daughter for the word you want," he said, lifting my hand to his lips with an ease that still ruins me. "Ask clearly. Offer choice. If she wants to wait, we wait. If she says yes, we make it normal, not a ceremony."
"She’ll say yes," I said, and the certainty made me feel guilty for how certain I was.
"She will," he agreed—not to coddle me, but because he knows her too. "And then we finish a study sheet, because someone will know if we cheat."
I laughed once, small and honest. The tightness in my shoulders let go. The kettle remained unboiled; the tea could wait. I smoothed my blouse and opened the pocket door.
The room looked the same. It wasn’t. Things shift when you decide something.
Stella had drawn bright arrows on the margin of page two. Rose had marked a single neat box where the sign had gone wrong—an invitation, not a scold. They both looked up. The shine in Stella’s face should be bottled and poured into tired cities.
"Reika," she said, patting the stool beside Rose this time, because children are either ruthless or kind and today she had chosen kindness. "Sit here."
I sat beside Rose. Not a concession. A choice not to let fear choreograph my body.
"We need to check question seven," I said, because I am myself, even when I’m brave. She corrected it with the satisfaction of a mechanic hearing a clean engine. Then she looked between us—me, Rose—measuring something that wasn’t math.
"Stella," I said. I did not clear my throat; that’s a tell. I didn’t fold my hands; that’s a shield. I kept my voice ordinary. "Can I ask you something?"
Her back straightened. "Always."
"Would you like to call me ’Mom,’ too?" I asked. No apology. No contest. Just a door, open. "If you want to. If it feels good to you. Now or later or never. I will still be your Reika at full strength. But if you want the word, it’s yours."
She did not breathe for one beat. Then two. Then her shoulders fell in that small, relieved way that tells you you’ve moved the weight to the right shelf.
"Okay," she said, like stepping over a threshold. "Mom."
For a heartbeat the world tried to go soft focus. I refused it because I wanted to see every pixel of this. "Hello, Stella," I said, and if my voice dropped, it didn’t matter. "I’m your mom."
She hit me with her whole body. I took it and folded around her. The stuffed fox slid to the floor, a diplomat who understood this treaty did not require his input. Over her shoulder, Rose met my eyes. No victory there. Only welcome.
"Thank you," I mouthed, because grace costs nothing and buys everything.
Room, she mouthed back. I understood: there is room for all of us, and she will help make it with her hands if the room forgets.
Arthur didn’t come over. He didn’t need to. As he passed to refill Stella’s water, his hand brushed the small of my back, a touch so light it was mostly information: seen; proud; continue.
We let go because page three existed and Stella had a sacred duty to conquer it. "Question nine is rude," she announced. "It wants me to forget the minus."
"It does," I said. "Show it you aren’t polite to rude questions."
She did. We finished the sheet. We signed the corner together without fanfare: Stella, Rose — Mom, Reika — Mom. No speeches. No hierarchy. Just ink.
"Hydrate," Arthur said, setting a glass by Stella’s elbow like a man laying down a law he intends to enforce because it’s kind, not because it’s loud.
"Tyrant," she said cheerfully, and drank anyway.
I stood to make the tea I had not made. The little printer on the sideboard still held the silly photo from this morning—Stella mid-tongue, Rose caught laughing, me off-guard in a way I almost never am. I picked it up and slid it into a frame, then set it on the shelf above the island. A room changes when you give it a new true thing to hold.
Arthur watched me, not with tally marks in his eyes, but with the quiet satisfaction of a man who made a choice and was proven right.
"Inventory?" he asked, mild, because he knows I like the rhythm of reports even when the subject is not steel or budgets.
I filled the kettle and set it on. "Abundance," I said.