Chapter 253: To disentangle
The way he’d spoken to her the previous day just wouldn’t leave her. Ada’s words clashed with her own interpretation of his actions towards her.
The manner in which he categorically refused to look in her direction after their feeding session... After the Mirari was cured.
From her perspective, it was clear that the only thing that drew him to her and kept him invested was the fact that the Mirari did not affect her.
But that was off the table and proven to have nothing to do with her and everything to do with his blood and its special abilities.
"Would you come clean with your feelings about Master Silas if I sing before the Lady?"
Those words wrenched the young woman clean out of her daze. Her wide open eyes did not prompt any elaboration from Ada as the maid merely stared back at her, looking quite calm but determined.
"What are you saying?"
One would think Ada had slapped her across the face.
"I meant exactly what I said, Miss," the maid doubled down.
Arabella’s eyes softened and drifted back towards the window, "Coming clean about my feelings...," she trailed off, "And then what?"
"It’ll make things a lot easier," Ada leaned further onto the table.
"Easier for who?" her voice strained, Arabella turned towards her friend once more, "What do you think will happen if I... I honestly don’t even know what you expect me to do," she shook her head.
"Just speak to me about it. The words don’t have to reach beyond these walls, beyond my ears alone," her hand traveled and took Arabella’s before giving it a little squeeze, "Please, empty your heart with me. Don’t keep things bottled,"
"The truth is I don’t know what I feel, Ada. I don’t know where to begin in order to disentangle everything I feel. The only thing I am sure of is that I am seriously confused," the limpid pearls of salty water that had formed in her eyes threatened to escape.
"Then let me be your comb," another tiny squeeze came from Ada’s hand, "Let me disentangle them with you,"
"I am scared, Ada,"
That was seemingly something Ada did not expect to hear. Her grip around Arabella loosened as she leaned back against her chair, an ambiguous air on.
"Scared of what?"
"I’ve never had the chance to consider any sort of feeling towards a man, let alone romantic ones. I keep telling myself I am reading the signs wrong. One day he is kind and then the next he’s as cold as ice. It throws me off my balance," the young woman stood up and marched to the window.
"Have you considered that he might merely be reacting to you?" very reluctant to utter those words Ada was.
Arabella took a sharp breath and seemed ready to speak but then swallowed whatever words she had to say, her expression mellowing to a more composed one.
"Maybe... I don’t tend to calculate these things or how to communicate my intentions when it comes to this. I just don’t want to be wrong and embarrass myself," she marked a pause before adding, "Besides, my only use right now is as a blood provider, if things turn wrong... I don’t know what will become of me,"
"Perhaps you should just ask him," Ada muttered, but seeing the look on Arabella, she quickly elaborated, "He’s gone through a lot of trouble to show that he cares. I don’t even think he’s done that ridiculous experiment to truly confirm that his blood cured the Mirari,"
"What would he do it for then if not for that?"
"So that... You’d act differently with him. Maybe he wanted to see a side of you that does not guard every word and reaction. Maybe he wanted you to go to his room and knock on his door like Edna does," Ada sighed.
"So, you think he wanted me to be annoying?"
At that point, Ada allowed her arms and head to fall, pushing an even longer and louder sigh, "Alright," she then took a deep breath and straightened her stance, "Besides fear, what else do you think you feel for him? Is there an attraction that you’d like to express? Would you like to spend more time with him? Would you like to talk to him more often?"
"Yes," at first Arabella was shy with her words, "I think I do feel those things, yes,"
"You do not have to determine if these feelings are more than that right this second. You just need to allow yourself the chance to explore them,"
"But what if it is just a phase for him? What if he doesn’t truly want me? I am just a human that will age and die within the next few decades. What if he takes what he wants and then moves on to the next woman in line?" her voice was just as crumpled as her features, her frown tragic.
"I see," Ada stood up and neared Arabella, "You are afraid he just wants to use you for your body," she half asked.
"I don’t have much, you know," the young woman looked down, "If he takes that too from me, what would I be left with?"
Not much was said after that. Ada’s arms went around Arabella’s middle as she embraced her from behind.
"I know. I understand you," the words were muffled against Arabella’s shoulder.
For two people that had never fully experienced their emotions to that range of things, it sure promised to be difficult for both.
Arabella feared losing the last bit of dignity she cherished and him fearing the young woman was simply not interested in him.
The two women gazed upon the gardens, watching as Edgar moved around and handled his tasks with fascinating ease. Or perhaps that was just habit speaking.
"What would you like to do for today?" Ada whispered.
"I’d like to do some more research about the writings in the caverns. I made some good progress in the past few days, I want to push it further since the spring celebration is approaching at a fast pace,"