Chapter 422: Chapter 422 - Cutting A Jigsaw To Fit In The Space Does Not Make The Picture Complete
A/N: Official notice of ’every other day’ posts for the time being, since that has been what I’ve been able to upkeep, more or less. My heartfelt thanks and appreciation for my reader’s patience.
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The way Elua er Goltbred so casually described such a drastic undertaking reminded Madrigil of certain conversations they’d had early on, after being stuck in the Astral Exclave, about his own cultivation problems. His Parallel Astralism had been acting practically independently after each breakthrough - creating duplicate and divergent thought patterns that lead to his ’mad’ state.
Her advice had basically amounted to meditation that would restructure they way he thought while finding whatever trigger paths that his Astralism used during those moments. That way it could be enabled and disabled at will rather than being always ’on’.
While the ancient cultivator had never had such a problem with her own Aspect, it was not at all the first time she encountered someone who only knew of life that way - with their specialized type of spirit effect being constantly active. The very first time seeing it, the thought of *only* ever being able to show falsehoods had terrified her.
Of course, then she lived a very, very long life where a figure far, far less than 1% of existences aware of her ever saw the full reality behind herself. A number closer to thirteen total was more like it, though she could not deny that it was *possible* the Divinities who she had performed Connection rituals with... also knew everything.
’It is funny what things seem so important at the time, until you learn more and more of yourself. Just as it is funny that you can learn all of it and circle around to the same sort of mistakes.’
"Didn’t you tell me to do something similar to fix my mental fracture? Rebuilding."
"Close. I told you not to force your spirit back into old patterns you knew. I didn’t tell you to tear it down as worthless."
Head bobbing away in the darkness, the girl picked up one of the ’candies’ and popped it in her mouth. The first time had been abhorrent and painful, but they were growing on her. Moreover, she also wasn’t going to be defeated by some piece of food that she ’cooked’!
"Your preconceptions and ideals are not as engrained as mine were. Having been coalesced from a timescale of... well, we’ll be generous and call it ten lifetimes of the best cultivators on this continent if they did not die early. Or around sixty mortals."
Hearing five millennia was one thing, but hearing it compared in such scale gave off an entirely different perspective. Even if the math would have already made logical sense, it evoked the emotional component of it by connecting it to ’lifetimes’.
"But you are still not wrong. We both need to let ourselves find ways that actually work with our unique situation."
Her voice carried a note of irony to it, over the advice so *easily* given. Saying to ’just change’ was harder when applied to yourself.
"So what is it that you intend to tear down? Your body?"
"My physical energy management techniques. They were optimized for my last life, not this one. I’ve been trying to modify them to run correctly inside of a teenage body... with a Physique unlike my last one. By focusing on what should be crossing over between all cultivators."
Such deep studies were considered very well done in her time. But lately she had begun to feel that either the information she had relied on was shallow in certain areas, her Ogre was one of the very rare exception cases that had been documented even then, or perhaps... that she had finally located another certain hidden change caused by some Divinity during the years before she was reborn.
’I cannot figure out what it is by poking with tools from the outside at a complete machine that is not working for the intended purpose. To figure out the mechanics needed, I must start fresh and think of everything I actually need the energy to do.’
"You are saying that this is what is causing all your issues?"
"That is what I’ve come to believe. It’s sort of like trying to fit a refined, battle ready sword blade into a hilt designed only for a yet to be sharpened dagger - technically possible, perhaps... with enough force or finesse. But such a weapon would be very unwieldy with such mismatched dimensions."
"Calling yourself unwieldy is certainly one word for it."
"If I hadn’t said it myself first, I’d call you rude. Instead, I’ll just say that it takes someone like that to really know someone like that, hm?"
The metaphor she used was more apt than she wanted to admit. Ever since she reincarnated, she’d been forcing solutions that could be swung at problems *at all*. Instead of being meticulously finding ones that fit her actual reality. Because she had felt the survivalist need to be as strong as possible as quickly as possible.
Meeting Qatrand had turned all her attention for the finer things on how they could be taught. But she still had not applied them to herself - why would she need to go step by step again in the process when she already knew how to ’score’ so highly? Her hardworking personality had been used, but all for things she expected would help her beloved at some point.
She just hadn’t expected that her own one-track mind would let such an issue fester to this point. Even though she had example, after example, after example in her past where that was the case. Where she had worn herself down towards a goal, only to realize that she had been neglecting something important.
’I don’t know what I was missing when I tried to ascend, but it was probably the same.’
"The realmshard transport reset your Astralism to a more centralized state so that it would not rip any of the energy off of you. That was very lucky for you. Even if it was disorienting at first."
Settling onto a nearby stone shelf, the exiled noble was apparently unbothered by the smell despite his complaints. At the very least, the idea of foundational rebuilding of a different energy structure made him more interested than repulsed by her ’food’ project.
"Extremely helpful, is what I’d call it. Which is why I’ve been so hesitant to enact the first mental division we talked of. The way multiple thought streams spoke to me was... inefficient and unclear. I do not think even knowing now what it truly was would solve that."
Not particularly acknowledging his worry one way or another, the Goltbred heiress strolled back over and started to stir one of the cauldrons. He could either take her advice - or remain incomplete. It did not truly matter to her, not like finishing her own projects.
Ultimately, he was not one of her disciples. Not just because he was too old for her usual offers, but because they were closer to ’similar’ peers than not. But neither were they growing into friends like Sevra and the brunette. Elua was pretty sure that was something he was not capable of.
’He strolls along the line of good and evil just like me. Only where I’ve placed good at my back and evil in my sight, he stares in interest at the line itself. Concerned only with the eccentricities of the cosmos. Far more neutral than most of our kind.’
"You still haven’t told me the whole plan for your experiment here."
"No, I did not. Because you don’t need to know how to do this."
"Can you really say that? Who knows what will happen to me or someone I meet someday. Your noble sacrifice to the science of cultivation could be lost if you fail terribly without a record to identify what went wrong."
"Your confidence in me is inspiring."
The man shook his head slowly. Truly, it was not his goal to figure out this incorrigible woman. Young or ancient was all the same, to him.
"It is hard to be confident in someone grimacing like they just ate something that is in turn trying to eat them."
"I can at least tell you that it is fuel for the process. I’ll be burning through massive amounts of physical energy as I deliberately test a massive amount of branching patterns for the most core of all physical techniques I learned."
Normally, the girl would not ever do any changes to her actual form and image that Qat loved, but she trusted in her ability to set it perfectly back to ’right’. Her brown hair changed through so many other natural colors as it lengthened at a visible enough speed.
Mint irises moved through all the colors of the rainbow before settling back down to the exact saturation and hue she was born with. As she continued speaking, her hair was pulled up with a ring of air and severed by spinning particles of floating metal sand.
"Instead of keeping tight to the ones that have kept me forcefully stable for years. Forcefully controlled and forcefully... as I was at the height of my power. Because I don’t know what is wrong with them, but I do know that they are not for this me. That much is clearer than it ever was."
Seeing the Limited Reforge technique used so dynamically without any sense of meditation was as fascinating as it was frightening to the sigil crazed researcher. As was the fact that the dramatic looking performance with her hair did not seem to be entirely for mere theatre, as she actually collected it like she had a purpose in mind for its use.
"Without near constant replenishment, I’d risk genuine depletion as well as massive physical regressions. It doesn’t seemed talked about very much in our continent’s society. What the opposite of a breakthrough is. What it does to people."
Dexterous fingers of the little artisan started to braid one end of the hairs into very simple rope before she shrugged and relied on her essence again. Controlled streams of rotating air flinging out the cut ends before spinning it all in a tightening coil further stabilized by the principles of Adhesion.
"I’m curious if there is a reason behind that, to be honest. It might be that a Divinity used their mandate to prevent that for people. Or at least make them an unlikely consequence."
’Or it could just be that no one is as stupid as I am about to pretend to be... because of other key parts of now lost knowledge.’