Chapter 131: Patterns of the wind
**KIERAN MORISSON***
Her eyes grew wide as she continued sobbing aloud, much to my irritation. If she could try to kill Ollie, why was she afraid to die now?
"Kieran, please, believe me! I really didn’t think it would be so bad, I was wrong! I was wrong!" she shrieked, clutching at my wrists.
"What are you doing!" a voice thundered from behind us. footsteps pounded against the rooftop floor. From the corner of my eye, I saw the last person I expected.
Xander.
What the hell was he doing here?
Then I saw Vince behind him.
"Sol told me you might be up to no good," Vince said grimly, his sharp gaze sweeping over me, Amanda, and the dangerous position we stood in.
He didn’t look shocked, instead he looked as though he had expected it.
"I found him downstairs," he added, jerking his chin toward Xander, almost as if reading the storm of questions already forming in my head.
"You left the hospital in such fury, I had to follow you—stop it, let her go, the fuck are you doing! Have you completely lost it!" Xander yelled, and then he lunged to seize my shoulders, trying to wrench me back from the edge.
"The fuck am I doing?" I spat, my fury boiling over yet again. "This bitch is getting what she deserves! She caused my Ollie to be in this condition. Don’t you think she should suffer the same?"
For a moment, surprise flickered across Xander’s and Vince’s features and Vince muttered ’Damn’ beneath his breath.
"I know you’re angry, but you are not thinking straight right now. This is not the way," Xander pulled me from the roof’s edge with Vince’s help.
Amanda broke free and scrambled to a corner, her sobs loud and infuriating. I wished I had ended her miserable life before Xander intervened
Why did this bastard continue to interfere with my life!
"You have to calm down," Vince said firmly. "I know she hurt Oliver, but if you do this, if you really kill her—it will be murder—"
"Shut the hell up!" I snarled, tearing myself out of their hold. My fury shifted sharply, my glare drilling into Xander. "And you...what the fuck are you doing here? Don’t tell me you’ve been working with Amanda all along. How else could you have known I was here? Did you also hurt Oliver?"
Xander blinked. "What? No! Why would I ever work with her? I care about Oliver—why would I put him in danger?"
His words only poured gasoline on the fire.
"Don’t you dare!" I roared, advancing on him. "Don’t you fucking dare say you care about him!"
Xander stepped back but didn’t back down. "Yeah, as if we can control who we like," he scoffed, but there was something bitter in his voice.
"Yeah? As if we can control who we care about. Whether you believe me or not, the only reason I followed you is because I don’t want Oliver’s boyfriend to be a murderer, and that’s because I care about him." He paused for a moment as though contemplating something "You’re misunderstanding me, Kieran. You both are, sure there was just that one night of mistake, but even if I wanted to... I’m not even allowed to like Oliver romantically!"
Not allowed?
"What the hell are you saying..."
Before I could finish asking him what he meant by that, he already turned around and left.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I kicked the edge of the railing and turned to glare at Amanda just as Vince grabbed my shoulder, "Let’s just go, since we know she did it, leave it to the authorities this time"
***
I had returned to the hospital, and was staying overnight. Despite the doctor’s reassurance that everything was fine now, Oliver still didn’t wake up.
I sat in the chair beside his bed, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest. The rhythmic beeping of the monitors was the only sound breaking the silence. Oliver’s face was pale against the white pillow, a bandage wrapped around his head.
His mother had been here earlier, looking very stressed from everything, and even Ollie’s little sister had been crying, picking up on the tension and fear radiating from all the adults.
"You should go home and rest," I’d told her quietly. "I’ll stay with him. I’ll call you the moment anything changes."
"Thank you, Kieran for saving him," Her voice was weary with exhaustion.
That had been five hours ago. Now it was just me and Oliver, and the crushing weight of helplessness.
I reached out and carefully took his hand, being mindful of the IV line. His skin was warm, which was somehow both comforting and heartbreaking. He looked like he was just sleeping, like any moment he might open his eyes and smile at me.
But he didn’t.
The walls started closing in as familiar fears crept in once again. I couldn’t breathe properly in here, I needed air.
I squeezed Ollie’s hand gently. "I’ll be right back," I whispered, though I knew he couldn’t hear me.
I walked slowly down the hallway, the waiting area was mostly empty now, visiting hours were over.
Then I saw her.
My Mom.
What was she still doing here? I thought she only visited to offer comfort to Ollie’s mom, so why was she still in the waiting area?
She looked up from where she sat on the plastic chair when she heard my footsteps.
"How are you doing? Are you alright, Kieran?" she spoke softly, standing up as I approached.
I stared at her for a moment and nodded slowly.
She sighed, opening her mouth as if she was about to say something, but decided against it. She started to turn away, then paused and cast me a glance.
"I know you don’t want me here, I still wanted to stay to make sure you are not alone, but if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll leave. Rest well, Kieran."
I didn’t expect her to reach out to suddenly touch my shoulder, my body went stiff, I had thought that her touch would be cold. I didn’t expect warmth but somehow my shoulders went less tense.
"He’ll probably wake up by tomorrow. Everything will be fine once again, you will see." She smiled softly and started to leave again.
This time, it was me who stopped her.
"What about you? Are you alright?" The words left my mouth and I sank into the chair beside where she’d been sitting.
"I... I..."
I couldn’t remember the last time I had voluntarily spoken to her, so it felt strange. Maybe it was perhaps I thought she somehow understood how it felt waiting in the hospital and praying that the worse doesn’t happen.
"I should have said those words. To you... about dad... I’m sorry," I muttered.
A smile settled on her features, one that shone with a sadness that reflected in her eyes.
"It’s okay," she said, blinking back tears.
"No, it’s not. I was angry and ... I don’t know, ...It’s just..."
"You are not to blame, Kieran. It’s all my fault. I deserved everything I got. Perhaps this is my punishment for everything I did, that I have to lose everything." She took a brief pause and added, "Including you."
The sadness and hopelessness in her distant gaze sent a twinge in my heart. Her expression was like a mirror to the emotions raging inside of me.
She tried to laugh but it sounded empty.
"I wasn’t a good mother. Now it’s too late to regret anything. Even if you hate me, it’s all my fault," she whispered.
"Then what about me? What is my fault? Why do I also have to lose everything? Why?!"
"Kieran..."
"First it was my sister. Dad’s condition is uncertain, and now, Oliver is lying there. What did I do wrong? What if he never wakes up?! Why does it happen that I have to lose everything I’d ever wanted?" The words tore out of me.
I couldn’t breathe. My chest was constricted tightly with raw pain until I couldn’t see anything.
I was vaguely aware of the warmth that suddenly engulfed me as she sat down and pulled me close.
"You won’t lose anything... Not again," she murmured, patting my back gently.
I heard the words. I so badly wanted to believe them.
At this moment she wasn’t the woman who I hated for abandoning me. The woman holding me was my childhood dream, the one I had always wished would stay around
Even if for these short moments, I allowed her to hold me as she said these words.
"It was never your fault. You did nothing wrong. We aren’t losing anyone else, and we’ll get through this as well."
She patted my back gently as if I was a child, never pulling away.
At this moment, I also wished I could be normal. With no worries, with a heart that wasn’t stuffed with so much hate and resentment.
I wanted to be free. I wanted out.
"I’m tired. I just want to let go of everything..." I whispered, closing my eyes as I exhaled raggedly.
"Rest, Kieran. Everything will be fine by tomorrow. I’ll hold you, and I promise I won’t let go... Not ever again."