Chapter 129: I can’t live without you
**KIERAN MORRISON**
Honestly, it had been hard as hell to ignore Ollie. It didn’t take me long to realize that to see him desperate about me, I was torturing myself a whole lot more.
I showed up at school today because I knew I couldn’t survive a day without seeing him.
I needed him more than he probably did me and this would never change, when it came to Ollie, I would always be the loser because I didn’t know how to love without him.
And so, I decided to care more about my dad, if it meant Ollie would be pleased with my actions.
If it meant he was going to be with me.
Fuck. I hated it when we fought. I just hoped it never happened again.
So, this weekend I’d already made the decision that I would visit my father.
I wouldn’t be able to do it alone—I wanted Ollie with me. It wouldn’t be too suffocating if he was standing beside me.
A faint sound cut through the air as I made my way to our spot with his backpack.
What was that?
I almost collided with Amanda who suddenly emerged from the trees. Her face was pale, her steps unsteady.
"Kieran, help me back to camp, I twisted my foot,"
Was that scream I heard hers?
"Watch it," I muttered, already trying to step past her.
But she clung to my arm.
"Kieran, I’ve been wanting to speak to you for some time."
Wasn’t this bitch worried about her foot, and now she wanted a discussion?
"We have nothing to speak about." I shrugged her off, but she came back, wrapping herself around me from behind.
"I still love you! Why does it have to be him? Why him, Kieran? In what way is he better than me?"
Her voice scraped at my ears, irritation lit like a switch within me as I shoved her away from me, not caring about her injured foot. But I didn’t expect her to be so desperate, her fingers clenched around my boots.
"I refuse! Please, just give me one last chance. I can prove I’m worthy of you. I’m better than him in every way."
I didn’t hear the rest of her words. My attention had snagged on something lying on the ground a few feet away. A familiar white sketchbook. Oliver had been close to that huge tree, my gaze scanned around.
Where did he disappear and why was something as precious as his sketchbook on the floor?
Something wasn’t right.
I kicked Amanda and I didn’t care, panic forming a haze in the whites of my eyes. My legs carried me forward, where his sketchbook and pencils were scattered across the dirt in the very spot where we had been picking mushrooms.
"Ollie!" My chest tightened, I didn’t recognize the sound of my own voice.
Then, my gaze lowered. There, under the tree, a figure lay crumpled on the ground.
For a moment, my heart refused to beat.
"Ollie!" His name ripped out of me as I sprinted, my throat tight, my pulse a roar in my ears.
As I neared, I noticed for the first time that someone was already there. Crouched beside Oliver with his filthy hands hovering on Ollie’s chest was the motherfucker I despised.
Xander.
A violent anger surged through me. I didn’t think—I just shoved him back so hard he hit the dirt.
"Don’t touch him." My voice cracked with fury, but my focus snapped back to Oliver. Blood was smeared across his hairline, dripping down the back of his neck.
"Ollie..." I crawled towards him on my knees, pulling him into my arms, ignoring the crimson staining my fingers. His head lolled against my chest.
For a second, his lips parted. A faint breath escaped. My name.
"Kieran..."
Then, he went still again.
My chest ached so bad I couldn’t breathe.
Phone.
I needed a phone! My shaky fingers withdraw the device from my pocket.
"I found him hurt, I already called emergency!" Xander spoke from behind me.
I gathered Oliver into my arms, carrying his limp body as I raced back to the camp.
First aid, anything to ensure he was breathing and the bleeding was stopped.
Xander was babbling something behind me—about how he’d heard a noise, about how he’d just gotten here. I didn’t care.
I didn’t even look at him. Nothing mattered except the boy in my arms.
I didn’t notice the crowd of students that were starting to form around us, nor the teacher yelling out words.
I also didn’t let go until strong hands tried to lift him onto the stretcher.
**
The ride to the hospital was a haze of blood and sirens. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. His blood was everywhere, on me, under my nails, in the lines of my palms. No matter how tight I held his hand, it felt like he was slipping further away.
When we arrived, they rushed him inside. I tried to follow, but a nurse blocked me at the door.
"You can’t go in!" She spread her arms wide, bracing herself like I was a threat.
"I need to see him!" My voice broke. "Nothing can happen to him, so you hear me!"
"Sir, the doctors are already attending to him. Please, stay calm and—"
"I don’t care!" I roared, surging forward, but Vince and William grabbed me, hauling me back before I tore the door of the emergency room off its hinges.
My chest heaved and I looked down at my trembling hands. His blood. All I could see was the dried crimson stain.
My Ollie.
This was Ollie’s. My head felt like I’d submerged in water, my ears were roaring ajf it felt like that day all over again.
The same very smell of antiseptic from that day when I’d lost Ginny, only Ginny had been pronounced dead officially the moment we got to the hospital. What if Ollie was the same?
No. No, not again. My mind echoed these words with panic.
I can’t do this again.
At least that time when I’d found Ollie back then, he’d been conscious. Hurt, bleeding, but awake. He’d looked at me in the hospital even though I swore I hated him then.
This time...
This time he’d closed his eyes and his body was so limp. What if when he’d whispered my name, it had been him saying goodbye?
My legs gave out. I hit the waiting room chair hard, my whole body shaking.
"What if he doesn’t wake up?" The words tore out of me, barely recognizable as my own voice. "What if this time I can’t save him?"
Vince was beside me, and his hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t feel it.
All I could feel was the weight of Oliver’s body in my arms, the terrible stillness of him.
"You found him in time," Vince was saying but it sounded a distance away "Just like before. You always find him, Kieran."
But that wasn’t true. I hadn’t been there when this happened. I hadn’t protected him. I should have been there when it happened... if only I’d insisted we went to get that backpack together, if only I had returned sooner...
The tears came harsh and unstoppable until my eyes ached and my voice was raw.
"He has to be okay," I choked out. "He has to be. I can’t... I don’t know how to exist without him."