"Let me think about it again. You've also been traveling all day, so go back and rest. You can have dinner in your own courtyard tonight. You don't need to come and dine with me these past few days."
Grandmother did not want to see Lin Yan for the moment; she needed to carefully consider Lin Yan's future.
Although she had previously agreed to let Lin Yan participate in the county exam, it was partly because Lin Yan might not pass, allowing her to see how difficult the imperial examinations were and make her retreat.
The other reason was as she had just mentioned: if Lin Yan could become a scholar, she would be exempt from taxes and conscription. While labor service could be replaced by money, if there was ever a time when it absolutely had to be performed and could not be substituted with money, how could Lin Yan endure it?
Although she had initially reported Lin Yan's gender as male, it was only to preserve the direct lineage's assets. However, one lie required countless others to sustain it.
She was in a predicament, and this deception had continued until Lin Yan was over ten years old.
Now that Lin Yan had been raised as a boy for over a decade, how could she possibly accept being turned into a girl?
Lin Yan's talent for studying was also affirmed by all her tutors, with her recent success in passing the preliminary examination being proof of this.
If she were to continue her studies, she might indeed become a scholar, or even a provincial graduate. However, should she truly support this path?
Should she truly let her live her entire life as a man?
When Lin Yan returned to her room, she saw her mother already sitting there, her eyes fixed on the doorway.
As Lin Yan opened the door, she startled her mother, who was lost in thought.
The original body had always been raised as a boy, but why did she know she was a girl?
This was because the original body's mother had constantly emphasized to her that she was a girl, and that she was different from her classmates.
"Mother," Lin Yan said as she entered, not surprised to find her mother in her room.
"Have you finished talking with Grandmother? I've made you some soup, try it quickly." Seeing Lin Yan enter, her mother quickly ladled a bowl of soup for her.
"Thank you, Mother." Lin Yan walked over to her mother's side.
Her mother was a woman who lived by her husband's will, and her husband's departure had been a great blow to her. Although her grandmother did not object to her remarrying, her mother herself could not accept it.
After her husband's death, her mother's entire focus was on the original body.
Her mother was conflicted. While she had reservations about raising Lin Yan as a boy, she did not oppose it. She was also happy that Lin Yan's academic performance was so good.
However, she was also very worried. On one hand, she felt that Lin Yan's situation was wrong, that a girl should not be like this. On the other hand, she was happy for Lin Yan's achievements.
She was conflicted but lacked her own firm opinion. Nevertheless, Lin Yan knew that her mother loved the original body dearly and respected her choices.
"Your county exam this time?" She desperately wanted to ask, but didn't know what to say.
Lin Yan understood what she wanted to ask and recounted her experiences from her trip and what had happened during the county exam.
Seeing Lin Yan's excitement when mentioning the county exam, her mother understood that Lin Yan truly enjoyed this pursuit.
"You will continue to take the exams, won't you?" her mother asked with concern.
"Yes, Mother. I will keep taking them. First, I will take the prefectural and departmental exams, and if I pass them all, I will take the provincial exam." Lin Yan looked into her mother's eyes. "Mother, I want to take them, to prove myself."
"But..." her mother was deeply worried. Her husband had died while taking the provincial exam. Now her daughter said she wanted to take it too, and she really couldn't accept it.
"Doesn't Mother trust me?"
"No, Yan'er has always been sensible and can accomplish her goals. It's just that the imperial examinations are different from other things; so many people spend their entire lives and still can't pass." Her mother gently stroked Lin Yan's head.
"Mother doesn't seek high position or power for you, she only wishes for your safety. If she could see you marry and have children, Mother would be content."
"Mother, I am not going to get married. Have you forgotten I am a man? How can a man get married and have children?"
"You... it's all my fault for being useless, unable to protect you." Her mother said this, tears welling up.
"Mother, your child feels that things are very good now. To see a vaster sky, to be able to do more things, isn't that wonderful!"
The yearning on Lin Yan's face stunned her mother. Tears hung on her eyelashes, not yet falling.
The second day after her return, Lin Yan began to review her studies again.
In fact, Lin Yan was very familiar with the Four Books and Five Classics; it was the historical allusions of this world that she was not familiar with.
Before, writing essays had been very difficult for her, as she was afraid of mentioning an allusion that did not exist in this world.
Lin Yan had compiled examination preparation books in her previous life. Although she was not yet familiar with the imperial examinations in this world, she still had the original body's memories.
Lin Yan browsed all the books in the original body's study while thinking about the original novel's plot.
The male protagonist was a prince, holding great power, but the later plot showed him living a very leisurely life.
The female protagonist was also a noble lady from a prominent family, but she was a transmigration.
The female protagonist was the legitimate daughter of the first wife, and her mother was the sole heiress of a military family. Therefore, even if the female protagonist was somewhat boisterous and lacked proper etiquette, people could understand.
After all, what stepmother would seriously concern herself with the education of her predecessor's children? Moreover, with the female protagonist's maternal family being military, her personality was even more understandable.
Furthermore, before the female protagonist's transmigration, the original legitimate daughter lived a very low-key life, and her family members paid little attention to her. Therefore, after the female protagonist transmigrated, few people doubted her identity.
However, thinking about how such a vibrant young woman ended up that way, she felt sad for her.
Although the male protagonist truly loved her, the constraint disguised as love was more painful than anything else.
But the female protagonist had not arrived yet, and he was not yet the young top scholar. There was no rush, Lin Yan would work hard to change all of this.
With this thought, Lin Yan returned to the books in front of her. Work hard, she was still just a preliminary student; the path of the imperial examinations had only just begun.
"This Yan-ge'er truly excels in his studies. There isn't anyone more outstanding than him in this generation," one of the clan elders said, sipping his tea, speaking to the clan chief beside him.
"Indeed. The direct lineage has always produced good scholars. If Brother Xu hadn't died young, our Lin family might have had a provincial graduate by now." Father Lin's literary talent was evident to all, but his health was too poor.
"Perhaps it is because the direct lineage occupies the literary qi that the direct lineage has always been sparsely populated," one elder ventured a guess.
The members of the direct lineage were good at studying but generally not robust. Those in the collateral branches had better health but lacked academic talent.
Many spent their entire lives studying and remained mere scholars.
Nowadays, scholars were not particularly valuable in the Lin family, but Lin Yan was different. Their Lin family had never had anyone who could pass the preliminary examination at such a young age.
"I hope Yan-ge'er can become a bit stronger, and ideally, pass the Jinshi examination for us."