"No."
Feng Xi Wu interrupted her urgently.
Disregarding his assembled subordinates, he pressed his lips to Lu Qing Wan's, intending not to kiss, but to silence her from uttering words that filled him with dread and unease.
Lu Qing Wan made no move to struggle, allowing him to kiss her. Her face held no blush of shyness from being kissed publicly by her beloved; instead, her eyes were filled with sorrow.
Feng Xi Wu clearly felt a primal fear welling up within him. He hadn't feared so much when buried in the snow mountain sinkhole, nor when brought to the utterly unfamiliar Great Qin. Yet now, he was terrified of Lu Qing Wan abandoning him, of her leaving.
His arms greedily embraced her, as if clutching a peerless treasure he dared not release. Resting his chin on the crown of her head, he pleaded in a low voice, "This King knows his wrong, A'Wan. You may hit or scold me as you wish, but do not abandon this King. You are the first person this King has ever loved, and the only one. This King knows his many shortcomings, and will change..."
Such a proud man, now begging like a child afraid of being discarded, imploring her not to give up on him.
Lu Qing Wan's heart ached deeply. She tilted her head slightly, her mournful gaze fixed on him. "You are my first, and I am yours. The first time I loved someone, the first time I risked everything for someone – these are all insignificant. In my understanding, risking life and death for a loved one is only natural."
Feng Xi Wu listened, moved. He raised a hand to gently caress her cheek. Lu Qing Wan did not evade, her eyes brimming with a sorrow so profound it threatened to materialize. "But Feng Xi Wu, do you know that for these past three months, I doubted every day if I was too weak, making you feel I was unreliable, which is why you told me nothing? Or did you never intend to spend your life with me, thinking I had no need to know your affairs? You made me feel like some cheap item throwing herself at you. Saving the Chi family, saving the Xuanjia Army, whenever I mediated with Feng Qing Heng and the others for those connected to you, I couldn't help but wonder if everything I did was just a one-sided effort in your eyes..."
Feng Xi Wu pressed his slender fingers to his lips and sighed heavily, "Ancestor, are you trying to stab this King's heart?"
"Yes." Lu Qing Wan stared intently at him. "You know I'm a person who holds grudges, who never believes in repaying kindness with kindness. If I don't let you know how I've spent these past few months, my heart won't be at ease."
Feng Xi Wu, disarmed by her stark honesty, asked with a hint of playfulness but a deeply earnest expression, "Now that this King is almost heartbroken, is my Consort's heart at ease?"
Lu Qing Wan was not blind; she could see the unconcealed heartache in Feng Xi Wu's eyes and the guilt on his face. She suddenly felt she wasn't entirely blameless herself. After their earlier confrontation, her pent-up anger had been mostly vented, but lingering emotions didn't dissipate so easily. Only now, seeing Feng Xi Wu's genuine remorse and tenderness, and his fearful helplessness at the thought of her leaving, did she feel her efforts had been worthwhile. Yet, a subtle sense of pleasure stirred within her. It was as if a voice whispered, "Feng Xi Wu, you caused me so much suffering, you must endure equal pain and torment for it to be fair."
Upon realizing this thought, Lu Qing Wan froze. She had never imagined she would one day apply her vengeful nature to her beloved. This realization made her feel utterly exposed and stripped of her defenses before Feng Xi Wu.
Unaware of the tempestuous waves churning in Lu Qing Wan's heart within those fleeting moments, Feng Xi Wu extended his long arm, bent down, and lifted her into his embrace. Lu Qing Wan, stunned by the seismic shift in her own perspective, forgot to resist. Instinctively, she clung to Feng Xi Wu's neck, meeting his concerned gaze.
Feng Xi Wu, assuming she was still troubled by their earlier dispute, magnanimously said, "It's alright if you're not at ease yet. Let's go eat something and rest. This King will lie down and let you bully me until my Consort is satisfied."
Lu Qing Wan, dazed, allowed him to hold her, unsure whether to continue her outburst, eliciting more guilt and heartache from Feng Xi Wu, or to be magnanimous and let the past fade away. While she was still deliberating, Feng Xi Wu was already giving orders, "Dinner, send it in half an hour."
Li Jin and the others acknowledged without looking away. Feng Xi Wu carried Lu Qing Wan into the tent. A warm cloth was placed on her face as Feng Xi Wu leaned close, smiling appeasively, "Are you still angry?"
"No." Lu Qing Wan lowered her gaze. "I just don't know what to say to you."
"How can you not know what to say?" Feng Xi Wu gently wiped her face. "Tell me how Feng Qing Heng bullied you while I was away, tell me in detail, and this King will avenge you. You can also tell me how you cursed this King in your heart while I was away. You must have accumulated a lot of resentment when I wasn't here, so now that I am, curse me all you want. Didn't you say you weren't at ease? You'll be at ease after you've cursed me out."
Lu Qing Wan silently shook her head. "I won't curse anymore, I'm too tired. As for what Feng Qing Heng and the others did, you know it all already, so I won't repeat it."
At this moment, Lu Qing Wan wasn't merely acting petulant with Feng Xi Wu; she was genuinely startled by the hidden thoughts within her own heart. That intense desire for retribution made her wonder if she actually loved Feng Xi Wu that much, or at least, not loved him so unconditionally.
Feng Xi Wu, believing she was still angry with him, his eyes dimmed slightly, but he remained undeterred. "Very well, if you don't wish to speak, then listen to this King." He patiently applied a protective ointment to Lu Qing Wan's face and began to recount, in a gentle tone, the secrets he had kept from her. "Si Lan must have told you. This King is the orphan of the former Crown Prince of Great Qin. The year I was born, a coup occurred. My Imperial Grandfather, Imperial Father, Father, Mother, and Eldest Sister all perished at the hands of the rebels. My brother, only seven years old at the time, desperately brought this King to Great Gan. We were fortunate to meet the Imperial Brother and Empress Dowager, and by chance, gained a respectable status and have lived to this day. My Imperial Brother was rescued and, amidst the coronation of the new Emperor and under everyone's gaze, was brought back to Great Qin. When everyone saw my Imperial Brother return, the new Emperor, fearing public criticism, enfeoffed him as Crown Prince, but secretly sought to eliminate both of us brothers..."
Lu Qing Wan's heart tightened. "So, those archers who pursued you on the Northwest snow mountain were people from the Emperor of Great Qin?"
Feng Xi Wu's sharp eyes caught her small movement. He gently pried her fingers apart, preventing her from harming herself.