Chapter 453: Distance
Listening to what she told me, I started to drink more from the bag until it was completely empty. I looked at the fridge to find two other empty bags in it. Did I drink them right after I first woke up? It was a lot of blood considering how big these bags actually are, so I wouldn’t be surprised about drinking them both in one go. With this one, that makes three bags today. Since vampires are able to give more blood, these bags are bigger than the standard size.
"Don’t hold back if you feel thirsty. The longer you hold it in, the worse the urges get," Ai said, pulling the opening off the bag away from my mouth and placing a kiss on my lips. "Drink whenever you feel like it. It’s all here only for you."
"What if I run through them a little too quickly?" I asked.
"I have more than enough blood to give to my Kazu-kun, so he shouldn’t worry about it," she said and rested her head on my shoulder. "Do I look cute?"
She was referring to the changes she made to her look. I hugged her gently and whispered to her, "Of course. Ai looks absolutely adorable."
"Hehe, then I am happy," she said, and after a few minutes, we pulled away since I still hadn’t freshened up.
I made my way to the bathroom, leaving Ai in the living room watching some television in the meantime. I took my change of clothes along with me so I could come out fully ready for the day in one go. After doing everything that needed to be done, I got out feeling completely fresh and ready for the new day. Or afternoon to be more precise, but it didn’t really matter much. Putting in our worn clothes for washing, I made my way to the kitchen to cook some lunch. Maybe I won’t be making too much for myself since I had all that blood in the morning and now, but Ai sure would like to have a nice hearty meal. There is no holding back on that aspect. Two giant katsu for Ai and a normal one for me was what I decided.
My eyes fell onto the fridge as my mind drifted on about the blood I drank today. If I were to remember correctly, it was just about the same amount I needed to drink from Akira on my first night of training. After that, Ethan enhanced the intensity of it, so I thought I would need more blood, but in those days, I woke up a second time, only to find out I drank all the blood I needed to drink. If I were to put the intensity of how much I needed to drink on a scale, I thought it would be more proportional since the intensity did have a huge effect on my head.
Something doesn’t add up.
Do I want to think if I am being lied to? No, I don’t want to go that far, but I do think there are things that are being hidden from me. I have a good guess as to why that would be the case, but then again, I’m sure that is a direct repercussion to not fully opening up about what goes on in the mind scape.
Sigh, how annoying.
"What’s wrong?" Ai said, wrapping her hand around my waist as she rested her chin on my back. "Fantasising about me again?"
"I do that all day," I replied and continued to cook.
"Then?" Ai asked, and I clenched my hands. She is worried about me again. Can’t say anything much to her because I know that won’t work.
"Just something doesn’t add up," I said, and could feel her body tighten around me for a second. No matter how much you try, there are certain things you can’t stop doing around me. "I know I’m not being told everything, Ai."
"Ahahaha, what are you talking about, Kazu-kun?" she said, trying to feign ignorance. If she isn’t going to admit it, I’ll come clean first.
"I have been training recently, every night. With Ethan," I admitted. "Sigh, I won’t even call that training, but that guy just toying with me while I try my best not to die. I do fail a lot, though."
"What do you mean?" she asked, and I turned around. I could see her expression looking more concerned, and I felt at fault for causing this.
I decided to come clean about everything and told Ai all the details of our training. About how it is just a glorified torture, and me getting used to being different parts of my body torn, broken, punctured, and stabbed. I explained how, after the "training" I wake up with a horrible headache and how it makes my urges for blood jump. Ai listened to me without saying anything, though I could tell how this news was affecting her. A mix of emotions was being portrayed on her face.
Worry, anger, sadness, guilt, betrayal, and so much more.
I held her face in my hand and pulled it closer to mine. "I wanted to tell you before, but didn’t think there was an appropriate time," I confessed.
"Not even when we were talking to Natsumi-san in the school? The entire point of the discussion is coming clean about everything?" she said, her face turning sadder. "I thought you trusted me. Am I that unreliable?"
"I trust you a lot and you are the most reliable person I have ever met," I insisted, but she looked unconvinced by just this. If I am that reliable, then why didn’t you say anything? I could already hear her saying. "It is because I trust you so much that I didn’t say anything."
"That makes no sense," she rebutted, and I agreed with her. I have not been acting very rationally; I’m aware of that because I’m scared. He knows what I’m thinking or doing. I don’t know what his true goal is, and that worries me.
What is your plan, Ethan?
What do you want from me? I can’t make heads or tails of that.
"Ai, do you trust me?" I asked her, and her face curled into a frown.
"This is such an unfair question, Kazu-kun," she replied. "But yes, I do."
"Then please believe me when I say this, but I’m not sure of the future, more so now than ever. What will happen to me, or how I will act out. I have no idea, and I’m afraid I will react in ways that aren’t me. If I do, please tell me everything about it. I can’t know how to control myself if I get put in the dark from it," I asked her, and little tears welled up in her eyes. I made her cry again.
"Do you hear yourself? How hypocritical can you be?" she said, her voice trembling, and I nodded. She hit my chest. "You call me sly, but I think you should look at yourself first, mister."
"I will make up with it however you want," I said, and her head perked up. I know what she is thinking. "Yes, even that. I’ll...try my best to hold back. If I can’t, please help me break away from that. I want to enjoy that time without having to lose control of myself."
She pressed her forehead against my chest. "You’re lucky I love you," she mumbled.
"I’m the luckiest man in the world, because Ai loves me," I replied, and she held me tighter. I can guess how she is going to act from now on, but I will handle it. It’s Ai after all. I will find a way to absolutely love the way she treats me. "Now, please tell me what I don’t remember. What actually happened in the mornings?"
"If I do, you have to promise me something," she said, and I opened my mouth to say yes right away, but she stopped me. "No, you really have to promise me this. If you break this promise, I...I don’t know...what I..."
I held up my pinkie finger before her she looked at it, confused. She looked at me, and I gave her a little smile before she understood what she meant. She locked her pinkie finger with mine. Kind of sends me back in time. "We used to do this when we were kids, right?"
"Only once, but I’m surprised you remember," she commented, and I chuckled. After she helped me uncover those memories, there was no way I would even a bit of them out of my hands ever again.
"You wanted me to stay quiet in front of your mom about why you were late and nowhere to be seen. Coming up with this long, elaborate lie about getting lost and luckily, I being with me was the only thing that helped you get back to her."
"Not my fault, I wanted to put a good impression of my boyfriend before her," she looked away, a little embarrassed.
"So I was already your boyfriend?" I asked.
"Of course, you were mine the moment I met you. You just didn’t know it yet, that’s all," she said proudly, puffing her chest.
"Yes, yes, as you say, my master," I said sarcastically, and we let out a little laugh.
"Now, promise me," she said, looking at me more intently. "Promise me that you will not leave or go anywhere. That you will stay by my side no matter what happens or I tell you."
"I promise," I said right away, and she looked convinced.
Then, she opened up about what happened to me the last two mornings. How I acted.
Maybe it was bad to make a pinkie promise with her.
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