Chapter 95: Chapter-95. (A Gamble).
"Alone."
The word struck like a cold blade.
Emma squeezed my hand under the table, refusing to let go. Her wide eyes begged me not to leave with him, but I already knew there was no choice.
If I wanted answers, if I wanted even a small chance to take control, I had to face him.
Even if it meant stepping deeper into the dark.
Josh did not wait. He just gave a small jerk of his chin as if he was commanding, and walked toward the door.
His boots echoed on the floor as he left the kitchen. The heavy silence wrapped around me like a shroud.
I pulled my hand free from Emma’s grip, my chest tightening as she shook her head furiously.
I wanted to whisper something to her...to trust me.
That I would come back but the words could not form at that time as I myself did not know if I had come back at all.
So I followed him.
The hallway stretched out endlessly, though I knew it was only a few steps. My legs felt heavy, like each step dragged me closer to a cliff.
Josh pushed open the door to the smaller room, the one with peeling wallpaper and a single chair, and motioned me inside.
The air felt colder than others.
I stood stiffly near the door, my throat dry. My mind was screaming at me to think, to prepare the right words, the right tone, but nothing sounded safe enough.
What should I say? Should I sound soft, broken, like someone who finally realized she needed him? Or should I act guilty, apologetic, the way he always seemed to want me to be?
Every choice felt like a gamble.
Josh leaned against the wall, his arms folded. His eyes trailed over me slowly, almost lazily, but I knew better. He was studying me.
Measuring me, but most of all, he was waiting. For me to speak up.
The silence started to get thick. Too thick for my comfort.
I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. My lips started to tremble as my breath got shortened and shallow.
As each second passed by, Josh’s jaw started to get tightened up. The faint amusement in his face vanished, replaced by something sharper.
"Are you going to say something?" he asked, his voice low, edged with warning, "or did you drag me here just to waste my time?"
My chest squeezed painfully. I could not keep standing there like a deer frozen in headlights. Panic surged through me. My knees buckled, and before I even realized it, I dropped onto the floor.
"I am sorry!" The words ripped out from my throat. It came out harsher than I intended...almost broken.
Josh’s brows furrowed, his head tilting slightly. "Sorry?"
My breathing was loud, and uneven as my hands trembled against my thighs as I tried to keep myself upright.
Emma’s face flashed in front of my eyes.
She was staring at me with those hopeful doe eyes.
Her fragile little body clung to me as she sleep soundly.
Her eternal trust on me. That her mommy would make everything okay. I had to survive this. For her.
"Yes," I sputtered, forcing my shaking voice out. "I am sorry. I misunderstood you. I misunderstood everything."
Josh stepped closer, the weight of his presence making the air heavier. "Misunderstood what?" he pressed, crouching slightly, his shadow falling over me. "What are you sorry for, exactly?"
I kept my head down. I could not look into his eyes because if I did, he would see straight through the lie.
My lips quivered, but I forced them to move.
"I... I thought..." My throat closed, but I pushed harder. "I thought you only wanted to hurt me. I thought you... hated me, but I see now. And I was so wrong."
Josh bent down suddenly, dropping onto one knee before me. His face was close now, too close, and I could feel his stare burning into me.
"Stop beating around the bush and speak clearly," he said, his voice quiet but sharp.
For a moment I thought I had faint from his death stare. My heart kept slamming against my ribs so hard that it started to hurt, but I swallowed all of it, forcing myself to calm down.
This was it. The time had come.
That golden opportunity came to sell the lie.
"I see it now," I whispered, words tumbling out faster than my mind could arrange them.
"You... you love me, don’t you? You always have. While I wasted time chasing after Dave like a fool, blind to the truth. He was just... just a stupid crush. But you..." My voice cracked, but I kept going, desperate.
"You were the one who cared. You were the one who stayed. Even in your way... You never left me."
Josh’s expression didn’t change at first. His eyes drilled into me, maybe searching for the truth.
As if he was trying to pull the truth from beneath my skin. My stomach twisted under that gaze, terrified he had seen the lie, that he had punished me for it, but I forced myself to keep talking.
"Dave..." My throat ached just saying his name. "Even when we were married, he barely looked at me. I waited and waited for him to notice me, to make me feel like I mattered. But he never did. Not once. He was never mine."
My voice dropped, a trembling whisper. "But you... you have always seen me, Josh. You have always been here."
Inside, my mind screamed at me. The words felt poisonous in my mouth, like betrayal.
But on the outside, I kept my head low, like a woman breaking apart under the weight of her own realization.
Even after a long, suffocating moment, Josh maintained his silence.
Did he really buy it? Or did he already see through my lie?
Then, slowly, he leaned closer until his face was just inches from mine. I could feel his breath, steady and calm compared to mine.
"Now that sweetheart," he murmured, his tone soft but dangerous making my breath hitched, "is the first honest thing I have heard you say."