Yu Mingyue saw Xie Jiayan remain silent, only staring at her, and felt a little anxious. Had she not expressed herself clearly?
Alas, it was her own fault for always saying "I like you" so readily in the past. When said too often, Brother Jiayan no longer believed it.
"Brother Jiayan, it's not just a general liking. It's... it's a liking that only has you in it. Do you understand?" Yu Mingyue said this very cautiously, afraid of scaring Xie Jiayan.
In the storybooks, Xie Jiayan never married and lived a lonely life.
Xie Jiayan was indeed shocked by Yu Mingyue's words. His heart was not as calm as he appeared.
Joy... a fleeting joy.
He knew his situation better than anyone.
He was not worthy of her liking.
His background and what he had to do destined him to like her his entire life, and even more so, he was not worthy of her liking.
He could not give her a stable life.
"Brother Jiayan, why aren't you speaking?" Yu Mingyue was anxious to get an answer.
It was agonizing.
Though it was only a moment, it felt like decades had passed.
Xie Jiayan quickly composed himself. In the autumn sunlight, his features were bathed in a pale golden light, his deep eyes, high nose, and perfectly sculpted lips.
He slowly raised his hand and reinserted the hairpin that had loosened from her running, then tilted his head to look at the fine ripples spreading across the lake's surface.
"Sixth Miss, you are still young and do not understand what liking is. You will meet better people in the future."
His smile remained warm, yet Yu Mingyue felt that even with the bright autumn sun, the wind was still cold.
She shook her head, took a step forward, and looked directly at Xie Jiayan, "I won't. Brother Jiayan is the best."
Her initial astonishment at his appearance upon their first meeting was far surpassed by his talent and character.
There was no one with better scholarship or nobler character.
He navigated the court and noble families at the risk of his own life, making the Great Wei better while remaining solitary.
She had always wanted to accompany him, to help him, but she hadn't realized that this was what liking felt like.
"Sixth Miss," a crack appeared in Xie Jiayan's smile, but it was quickly mended. "Don't be childish."
Yu Mingyue shook her head, "I am fifteen, no longer a child. I know that liking Brother Jiayan is different from liking my brother. I am not betrothed, and Brother Jiayan is not betrothed either. Why can't I like Brother Jiayan? Or does Brother Jiayan not like me?"
Xie Jiayan looked into Yu Mingyue's eyes, wanting to say he didn't like her, but those words felt as heavy as a thousand pounds, stuck in his throat.
He couldn't say them.
"Sixth Miss," Xie Jiayan uttered her name like a sigh, "My ambitions lie elsewhere."
"I know what Brother Jiayan intends to do. I will be with you. I'm serious, I can do it."
Xie Jiayan had seen the dawn breaking through the night, the midday sun, and the brilliant sunset. None of their radiance could match the burning brilliance in her eyes now.
But he had to keep it hidden in his heart, for it could never see the light of day.
"I cannot! Emotions will only become my shackles. I do not wish to be burdened by any emotion. Sixth Miss, what you said today, I will pretend I never heard it, and you will pretend you never said it."
Xie Jiayan didn't even dare to look at Yu Mingyue again. He turned and left, thinking that the wind had truly made his eyes water.
Yu Mingyue stood stunned, a sense of dejection she had never felt before washing over her. It was painful, yet she couldn't bring herself to resent him.
After a long while, she finally moved her feet to chase after him, "Brother Jiayan, wait for me!"
Xie Jiayan hadn't expected Yu Mingyue to follow. He couldn't turn back, couldn't wait for her, but ultimately, he couldn't bear to hurt her.
"I, I'll lead the way for you. Brother Jiayan, you're going the wrong way." Yu Mingyue panted, a few stray strands of hair disheveled by the wind, her eyes growing brighter.
"Good!"