Chapter 70: “Say it, Le An.”
"The sample we’re about to inject needs some time to show its effects on your body, Le An. You can rest in the meantime."
One of the lab workers said this while searching for a vein in Le An’s less damaged left arm.
Le An nodded and asked, "How long until the effects appear?"
"About half an hour," the researcher replied. "After that, we’ll proceed with the main test."
The researcher then injected yet another of the countless solutions into Le An’s body. At that moment, an esper—probably chosen for this test—passed in front of the glass wall with two lab staff. Their eyes met with Le An’s.
The esper and the staff gave him a cautious nod before disappearing from sight. The researcher in front of him pulled down the sleeve of his lab coat and set the syringe aside.
Le An asked, "The last... test results. How were they?"
The researcher, this time not with his usual evasive glances, looked directly at him. He seemed surprised. "Um... the same, you could say," he mumbled with a forced smile. "It’s not easy to prepare a miraculous elixir that works on everyone."
Le An didn’t return the smile, only nodded. The researcher gave a few more instructions and stood up to leave the room. "You can sleep if you want, Le An. I’ll be back in half an hour."
Le An lay down on the lab cot and curled onto his side. "Alright."
The researcher left and vanished down the corridor behind the glass wall.
And, as he had done for days, Le An rose from the cot within minutes, scanned his surroundings, and slipped out of the room.
Because the experiment was illegal and violated human rights, there were no cameras on this floor—probably to avoid the risk of exposure.
Inside this heavily guarded building, where even a private security force was deemed unnecessary, shady work thrived. In short... this was GAC’s dump, and those inside felt safe enough not to bother with precautions.
Every day, after the second injection trial, the lab staff left for their lunch break at the southern end of this floor. Having been trapped here for days, Le An had already memorized the layout.
Since Tracker had been excused from tailing him closely—everyone here was already known to GAC—there was no need for his presence anymore. He no longer came every day.
Le An walked on tiptoe, checking each corner before turning, and finally reached the storage room at the far end of the floor. He slipped inside and shut the door behind him. Looking at the cabinets full of medical devices and supplies, he swallowed hard.
A few minutes later, he emerged from the storage and quietly returned to his room. As he placed what he had taken into the suitcase he kept with him during his stay, the same researcher entered earlier than expected. "Ah, Le An. You didn’t sleep?"
"I felt cold," Le An said, grabbing the first cardigan he found in his suitcase and heading back to the cot. "I think the solution has started working. And my arms... they feel heavier and heavier."
When he lifted his head, a sudden dizziness struck. His vision slowed, as if everything around him was lagging. "Is this... normal?"
"Completely normal," the researcher said. "Don’t be afraid, we adjusted the dose for you. These reactions are expected."
"I... see." Le An swallowed, struggling to keep himself standing against gravity. Luckily, when he went to the storage room earlier, the symptoms hadn’t started yet.
"Let’s put your cardigan on and get you into a comfortable position," the researcher said, approaching.
As he helped Le An with the cardigan, the weakness in his arms spread through his body. Le An frowned like a sulky child, murmuring, "This... I don’t feel well," before he could even understand what was happening.
"This solution can have a morphine-like effect on guides," the researcher said as Le An grew heavier in his arms. When he laid him on the cot, Le An could no longer even hold his head up.
As his blurred vision caught the door opening, he thought he saw a familiar face entering. He tried to lift his head and look carefully, but the researcher murmured something as he adjusted him onto the cot. "Don’t be afraid, Le An. Relax, just lie down and relax."
The cot began to move, and Le An blinked at the fluorescent lights sliding above him. The figure who had entered the room was following alongside.
Barely conscious, Le An felt a hand close over his and clutched it tightly. Fear surged through him as his lips parted. He had completely lost control of his body.
"I mustn’t... I mustn’t talk," he mumbled, unsure if he was even speaking aloud. His heart raced with fear. "I-I mustn’t talk, ugh... my head..."
As the cot rolled down the corridor, the person holding his hand leaned closer. "What mustn’t you talk about?"
Le An, losing grip on his mind, squinted and looked at the face hovering near. And his lips, without his consent, shaped the name of someone he was used to seeing only as a shadow. "Ta..."
"Yes?" the person leaned closer. "Say it."
Le An, dazed and confused, looked at his face. "You... are you here?"
Theo gestured for the researcher to stop moving the cot. It halted, and the humming lights above fell silent.
"Yes, I’m here," Theo said, coaxing him to keep talking. He knew Le An wasn’t actually aware it was him. Just like that night, just like when he mumbled in his sleep during his heat, he was in the same state now.
Le An was speaking to someone else. In his fogged mind, with eyes full of sorrow, guilt, and affection, he believed he was talking to another person—someone special.
Every time he lost control, every time his closed-off heart cracked open and his lips slipped, he mentioned that person. The one he must never talk about.
Le An frowned, and as a whisper brushed his ear, the voice urged, "Say it. I’m listening."
"Say it, Le An."
Theo intertwined his fingers with his and looked straight into his eyes, waiting. Say the name.
But Le An, his body growing colder and stiffer, slowly shook his head. Tremors ran through him as his jaw clenched hard, as if to hold on to the last fragment of willpower.
This wasn’t Taras. Taras had never once called him by his name.
Le An turned his head away, pressing his lips together tightly before mumbling again. "No... n-no."
You’re not him.
For the entire duration of the test imaging, Le An let no other word escape.
He held himself together by biting his lip shut. When the dizziness finally passed, and he was taken back to the resting room, Theo was waiting inside.
Theo’s eyes still carried the remnants of a storm that had only recently quieted.
Once Le An was placed back on the cot, he tried to sit up. When Theo moved to help him, he didn’t refuse.
"You’ve lost weight," Theo said, tucking another pillow behind his back.
Le An lowered his gaze as he replied, "So have you."
Theo touched his shoulder so he could lean back, then quickly stepped two paces away. "I’m fine," he said without meeting his eyes.
Le An, noticing perhaps for the first time in a long while that Theo was avoiding his gaze, gave a faint smile. "I’m fine too."
Theo lifted his head, staring at him silently, his lips twitching as if to form a bitter smile.
Both of them were lying. Neither was fine.
"Sleep," Theo said at last, as if saving the rest of the conversation for another time.
Le An, already curled up with his knees to his chest, looked back at him.
He couldn’t fall asleep while the drug still lingered in his system. And Theo, the very person who had cornered him just earlier, was sitting right there. If he fell asleep again, Theo could easily hear whatever he mumbled this time.
"I’m not sleepy," Le An said. "They’re not giving me a third injection today. I want to go home."
Theo’s question came suddenly.
"Who were you talking about... when you said you mustn’t speak?"
Le An looked at him without much surprise, at the way Theo had leapt from silence to urgency. He seemed to regret asking immediately. "Forget it, Le An. I’m sorry. I... ha..."
Theo took a deep breath, covering his face with both hands. His trembling exhale slipped through his fingers. Even when Le An wasn’t himself, even when he wasn’t aware, Theo had lost control again. He had crossed the line.
When his face emerged again, it bore the same expression as the day he learned Le An once liked him—and that he had killed those feelings forever.
Seeing that expression spread onto Le An’s face too, Theo was seized by the urge to embrace him, to tell him not to hurt. But he knew he had no right.
For days, burdened by this guilt, haunted by Le An’s ghost, Theo had whispered apologies and inhaled his imagined scent over and over. He was utterly lost.
A thousand scenarios had played in his mind, a thousand apologies, countless ways to explain his regrets. Yet now, before Le An, not a single word made it past his lips. "I..."
Theo raised his eyes to meet Le An’s. The same pained look in his eyes gave Theo courage. "I want to stay by your side. However you want. Always... if you’ll let me."
Le An looked into his eyes, then dropped his gaze to his lap, shoulders slumping as his expression softened.
Seeing that, Theo lowered his own gaze, his heart aching. When Le An remained silent, he began speaking again, confused and desperate.
"I understand. Then... I’ll apply to the emergency esper unit GAC is forming against the recent attacks. If time’s what you want, or—or if you’d rather..."
Theo’s pupils trembled. If you’d rather never see me again... He couldn’t say it.
Le An wouldn’t want him gone.
He just needed to be convinced. "Le An, please," Theo leaned in close, his voice breaking. "I’ll do anything you want. The heat partner issue, the drugs, the experiments—everything, just as you say—"
"Theo."
Le An’s warm hand grasped his jacket, silencing him. He couldn’t bear to see Theo still in pain because of him.
As the sharp ache of unforgiveness dulled, what remained was guilt—guilt for the harm his existence had caused.
Because Theo... since the day Le An stepped into this world, Theo was the only one who treated him like he was normal. The only one who called him by his name. The only one who made him feel like he belonged. People always had expectations of Treasure, or fear of him. But Theo only ever cared for Le An—the person, not the guide.
And now, as Maxim had said, perhaps in a week, Le An might never see him again. This awareness had dawned on him earlier while Theo was pleading.
If this was to be a farewell, then Le An’s heart wanted to forgive Theo as much as it could.
"Don’t apply to that," Le An said, meeting Theo’s frozen eyes. "Let’s go home."
---
When they arrived at Le An’s garden, Theo still wore the shock and unease of his answer. He held onto Le An’s arm and hand like a balloon that might slip away at any second.
And he kept talking. "Do you feel any pain? I can get you painkillers. Or food, anything you want..."
"If Tracker still bothers you, I can talk to GAC about having him removed. What do you say?"
"Le An, is your head still hurting? We should stop them from giving you anything with side effects like that last injection. They can’t go this far... Le An?"
A smile spread on Le An’s face, unbidden. He lifted his head and gently squeezed Theo’s arm. "There’s no need for any of that," he said softly.
Theo froze at the faint smile, unsettled by the sense that something was deeply wrong.
They reached the veranda, and before stepping inside, Theo slowed his pace. "Are you sure you..."
For days he had heard Emerald’s worries, and how troubling Le An’s state had become. "You don’t look well. If we change something, it’ll surely help you," Theo said.
Le An shook his head. "I’m fine." With the world set to collapse in a week, each day being hell no longer mattered much to him.
From the look in his eyes, Theo read a single sentence: it doesn’t matter. His voice was like a faint cry for help, fading and disconnected.
As Le An stepped from the veranda into the house, he slipped his arm free from Theo’s and slowly took his hand instead.
"There’s no need," Theo whispered, but Le An had already begun to guide him in silence.
When the door closed behind them, Le An remained unaware that Taras had been watching them from the shadows of the garden.